tickledpink

the days have gone by like a blur. i can hardly believe its nearly september. i can’t wait for the board exam to be over. trust me, mayon’s in a better, more relaxed state than i am right now. if only i could, i would really like to get out of this scalding kitchen. everybody tells me to relax. huh. somehow, my brain finds it hard to associate "relax" with "board exam". maybe if you took out "re", i’d get it. yes, i’ve changed my last name to lax. that board topnotcher guy (was he #9?) said he did it by studying 12 hours straight, taking only meal and nap breaks. wow. maybe i should start taking his advice.

i value those moments when i allow myself to "not think". like yesterday. i was at home sleeping like a log because i didn’t have the appetite for my books. wenbert wanted to go to the beach. we ended up driving to several towns north, to a place he’d been last almost ten years ago. for him, it was about reliving some of the happiest moments he’d had. for me, it was about separating from the future.

but now im home. stuck in the present. tied to the future. i’ve tried to steer clear of in-depth bexam talks. mainly because it depresses me. but the clock’s ticking, the pressure’s mounting, and all i could think about is "dead (wo)man walking." i wish people would stop saying "you can do it. ikaw pa." i know charles dickens wrote a book called "great expectations". i haven’t read it. but i’m sure it’s about a girl who’s been an achiever all her life and who’s scared shitless.